Saturday, September 9, 2023

outline

Themes I am (in some cases, once again) exploring in my "sojourns"

  • Rootless cosmopolitanism and lineage-based imaginaries of self/Other
  • American myths: abstraction, projection, decline
    • The axial centrality of New York, what it outwardly represents (totality, dynamism) and harbinges ("danger", competition). Versus, in my years of observation, its actuality as a kind of supremely provincial, dense experience like any other, and specifically designed to support lower-level inquiry (money, power, glory). Grossly over-aware of its inspidity, smugly so, lacking in life force because of too much false-force. For me, evoking a sense of pride and a quiver of arrogance, with embarrassment at both, when raised as a topic of conversation
      • So how to show the superfluity and likewise, the distinct affordances, of New York, in framing my own orientation? And to argue that all places offer variations on such conditions, and their effects can, or should, be quite personal
    • The remit of the English language: its functional necessity and therein, the hubris of round-accent fluency in it (obvious point, but anyway)
  • Internet consciousnesses vis a vis the maturation of the divine feminine archetype *more later
  • Aporia: memory fishnet with so much seeping through, lost?, to make room for fresh information, difficulty calling on certain key pieces (words, vibrations, philosophies) at key moments amidst the rush of additional variables for inscription. 
    • Reduction to aphorism, common terms for ease of conveyance
  • Conventional initiation rites of (Young) Adulthood, such as: tools of proximity (alcohol rears its head), the ubiquity of urban housing crises
  • How to feel at home in body, anywhere
    • Alongside: nature, devic kingdoms
    • Suspending the anxiety to allow for...

Tuesday, September 5, 2023

Foreigners Everywhere



Performing at the Cabaret Voltaire this evening (of all places), Ingo Niermann read from a text evoking the exilic legacy of Zurich—artists there to wait out wars—and the Swiss cantonal model as a baseline for socioeconomic stability amid surrounding European turmoil. Now, as ever. Seeking to playfully counter what he argued is a dearth of European "conspiracy thinking", at least relative to the US, Niermann introduced his own "Dadaist" concept for exploiting and disrupting reliable Swiss neutrality as, so he posits, the country embodies a highly migratory, anonymized future. 

For my part, I have not felt very anonymous this week, rather the opposite, reporting to the registration office, the phone company, the bank, the train line, always needing to prove my identity, verify my presence, corroborate my positioning—fiat and physical. (Such bureaucratic machinations were later taken up by Hanne Lippard in her portion of the night’s performances, in their relevance, perhaps, to her residential status in Berlin). What I have experienced thus far: someone in the crowd was talking about all the cushy, well-paid jobs that bring foreigners to Zurich, versus Basel, where the population is still more native, interactions more personal. That feels true. When you hear English on the street here, you think, Googler, or, Zuri Disney theme park moment.

In my German class, I am the sole native English speaker, everyone is learning German twice or thrice removed from their "mother tongues", a predicament I do not envy. So the connection to German in the room is predominantly through tertiary mediation. One thing we do all seem to have in common: the wish to make a life abroad, away from our home territories, irrespective of where and why or how. Such is the prerogative of the artist, attuned to the fictions of a set of given circumstances and so more inclined to seek out others. Palpable here is the nature of electing for exile (self-imposed), or in many cases, its necessity. How big the world is being what Niermann suggests as smol Switzerland's reminder, its utility as a conduit and paradigm for true "democratic" relations.

Walking by the lake at night as I made my way home, I contemplated how these topics entangle with two things: first, a recent giobiology newsletter heralding the BRICS summit and anticipating a larger global shift to Swiss-style direct-voting cantonal governance, particularly in the US, in the coming decade. From my new locational vantage, American capital certainly appears to be on the decline, or the fact that being an American, despite its fictive cache and select freedoms therein, is such a logistical pain in Schweiz underscores that likelihood. (If it were good to be American, wouldn’t it be easier?). And second, the 2024 Biennale theme, Foreigners Everywhere, with its Claire Fontaine source material, this title ringing in my head all the time now.

My first name, my Vorname, as a few people have asked me about lately, means "from the water," after: Moses, the archetype of diaspora, of in-betweens, he who leads towards land but is left without it, denied a landing so as to be kept at the penultimate crest, in the inframince, like an observing gusset, a reminder of desert-past. In its full extension, my last name, my Familiennamemeans “small-er,” an elaboration of the petite objet. So cumulatively, we have a "smaller exile," a shorter climb, or in my current Venus phase of watery murk, a dispatch to the riverbeds, overlooking and waiting…in watch for something firmer. 

Thursday, August 17, 2023

Anita Brookner world tour

The heart a woven thing
Garrulous sometimes
My sister a fallen weaver she forgot
All curtains fall
All contains all

Sunday, May 28, 2023

The second thing

Underneath the irreality of the dream come true
There is the second, finer thing
More difficult to digest and to know 
What is
I wait for the oracle cards to tell me don’t go 
In for another reading — this time, read within
I steady my self, for the body is recovering
I jumped and the current was cool and fine 
The air is plenty but nerves abounding I 
wonder how I made it altogether it’s a 
matter of mindset
I had been asking and wanting telling 
to ask is 
For experiences, only the sign says 
Sheer carnivale
Here in new York I am remembered at convenience
At least when it comes to friendship…preoccupied with their mirrors I 
Release mine in swoop
I want to go where I will be remembered, thought of
Cherished?
for all I Am for all I might be for what 
together we refract

Friday, May 19, 2023

Ladyfingers

On my way home from French class, talking to the Artforum lady who is at that wonderful age of being ripe for us to ask, or is she still a girl?, I recognize why I need more practice at making let alone speaking about my art, showing her photos on my phone as I have done countless other times, I sensed my third energy center collapse inwards and while the verbiage around the paintings, the black ground pieces versus the tiles which might be more ready for reception, was quite correct, the images themselves, the details, what they represented, were not yet in order, meaning they or I were lacking a conviction in their legibility as Important and worthwhile, meaning that if the viewer, the first viewer being myself, is at all tentative about what I am placing before them, that feeling-state (mine or theirs) becomes absorbed into what I show and how I show it, instead of what I should be doing—via, as Viki says, my "dragons": surrounding the work in a firelight of clarity of being and awareness. 

No wonder I have been having a bit of trouble (relative) preparing to go back to school. This is the most important lesson of all! That the work will continue to get better as I continue to bulwark it, as I and it together become impervious to what might be called the violence of conveyance, rather than reverting to a veneer of invisible and ineffable. Phoning Rachel earlier today I laughed at how I must have thought I would take up painting and BAM! success—success in what or whose terms…I made her promise to hold me to the promise that by the time It All comes, I will not care whatsoever, but be so integrated in totality with my own process any acknowledgment is irrelevant. Now how long will that take, what did I set myself up for…Carmen Herrera. So naturally the evening brings with it an illustrative situation. Also, bonus, after I gave her some context on the exhibition we were in, the writer said she was surprised I was a painter cuz painters don’t normally articulate themselves too well…so of course I did something exaggeratedly jejune and formal at the end I actually shook her and her roommate’s hands.

Tuesday, May 16, 2023

always

funny how in a certain kind of book there will always be a female George along with a Beth...not in name, necessarily, but in concept.

Thursday, May 4, 2023

whole heart provisions

Three meals a day

Why the completionist fantasies
to find more ease, more options
The therapist says it’s about my —
about authority stripped bare
and returned to this time, the soul’s task
The magician’s workshop woody, cluttered, I hover there in must and
fetters stillborn dolls aglow his wife and daughter
in the kitchen
waiting for the broadcast

Her eyes all large and googly from behind glass
Eichmann in Bacon’s box
Ariana is a cup overflow’th, angel man had said
the technology, it's so potentially amazing she tells us until they fuck with it
the soul needs food Ariana says
J— volume is what she has, I say
Creasing a crest

I don't know that she knows anymore, more than the rest
I know what I know,
you know?

I remember when Grimes discovered three meals a day
She was surprised it made a difference
She was surprised it filled her and that it didn’t
The lobes grew bigger and bigger but
her jeans still fit