tax season

it's raining out and the leaves are coming to

everyone at work on secret projects 

lamp black shadows and
the dog barks on 

i painted all day on emilia's roof i scraped away the paint with my sock, then my shoe

i had real branches in my face and fake pollen in my hair

andrea saw a fish and emilia the roof

I saw Susan Rothenberg Oehlen Rita Ackermann I saw lots of people but not myself

GAHHHHHH

emilia asks me if i've ever sold a painting people are making so much money from painting she says 

did i know this yes

i would LOVE to sell a painting only

she always likes my paintings more than i do perhaps this is the problem

i have not achieved what i want to achieve, what i know is dormant there

i struggle to advertise because the immediate results do not feel very true

only the process, of genuine interest, "inquiry" seems true

i think of Gene Kelly in American in Paris hills, vistas

the surprise of your work in someone else's sight

muscularly

still

coming home to treehouse grateful 
grateful for place, friendship

grateful for the loophole in time or change that will one day bring about 

in the work, summation