Above all, I think, my work is to be (become?) lucent. And to model a ‘how to’. Bringing that state out in. I need to spend more time in listener mode for that but with speech often bottlenecked or in solitude, choked, in the rush of opportunity I go for flow. Who wouldn’t. My mother: you are very impatient about certain things and still you have infinite patience for others. She didn’t say “infinite,” maybe endless. She wouldn’t really say “still.” “Infinite” is mine, and “still” is a convention, like somehow, that everyone says here, that I thought was an ESL colloquialism until I saw Ian Penman using it in the Fassbinder book. So everyone needs a middle word. Yes a waiting for is part of all this. And what of those “things,” anyway? To forget and be easy. When a friend told me she wished she could live in some perma-stupefaction, what would that be like, I was stupefied. It’s been a long time since I tried to only be numbed out (back on that again now). As if knowing meanwhile that the Saturn that should someday, somehow leave me shining like a diamond requires a point where mouth meets tail, a place to mark in her being the path of revolution.
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