I am moving through old muck and I can’t pretend to like it. But I should—because the ‘I’ is not important, the universal is important, an obligating body, and so, one has to. Forget the one for the One. Suck it up and grin. I’m embarrassed of so many things right now, at being placed in comparison to, and not in a flattering way, the last two years of hiding out coming to a close with no real crescendo, at least that part is good, for learning what I have or have not learned. To never run away again? So many dismissals and diminishments. Nauseated by the prospect that anything was to have happened after all, the final few layers coming off, these feel the worst.
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